People have asked me “What is it that drove you to quit believing?” or “What one thing could you just not get past in your faith so you turned atheist?”. I have also read many other people’s stories on how they quit believing and almost all speak of such a topic or moment.
I have thought about my journey to non-belief and I wondered what was it that pushed me over the edge. I really have to say it was not a single thing. I did not see a domino fall in the world of belief that started knocking down the other dominos. I suppose I had a pretty strong wall build around my thoughts, guarding me from any doubt or disbelief. What I experienced was the block crumbling away together util the wall collapsed all together.
I generally don’t put to much stock in one discrepancy for such a huge matter. I need more to really shake me. I remember when, my once good friend, Kent Hovind said “If you can prove one thing that shows the world can not be more than 6000 years old then that is proof enough.” (Roughly translated) I did not question that at the time, but it was because I had an overwhelming pile of evidence that the earth was only 6000 years old. I did not look at other things in the same fashion. If someone believes everything in that manner they would fall for almost all conspiracy theories. One Example would be :Shadows on the moon in the pictures prove it was not sun light, so that must have been a sound stage.
I started studying various arguments against religion to gear up and try to convert an online atheist. (He still has no idea asI never confronted him or hinted at what I was planning to do.) I felt I would take a deeper look at his arguments, go find the truth, and gently convert him to the truth. I, of course, knew the standard Christian answers to his arguments, but I also knew his counter answers. I was determined to find answers that he would accept. I always knew that the truth would stand on its own and didn’t need my help. So, I set out to find a way to show him the truth.
As I studied I found the pat answers really weren’t enough. I found that I could not just simply prove it to him. I decided then to consider a different approach. I would try to think like he thinks, try to see the issues as he saw them, through misguided, blinded eyes. If I could really capture his sinful point of view I could show him the light. But as I monitored his arguments with Christians and as I sought out answers based on motives and sin nature I still did not find anything that might help me convert him.
All the while I started to discover that there were to many holes in my truth.
I will share more of my story as time marches on, but that is a glance at how my walk started.